Two ideas to remember when conversating and communicating
The day that I became a better conversationalist and more effective communicator was the day that I finished reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Filled with timeless lessons, this practical book made a better friend, son, student, and colleague. I want to share with you my two takeaways in hopes that you will pick up the book and discover the secrets to a being a more effective communicator.
Encourage others to talk about themselves. If that's their adventures, their successes, their family, their favorite sporting event, or what their weekend plans are. Intuitively, we all are worried about our own lives and what we are doing. Not others. That's why this step is so important in developing good relationships with other people.
"Very important people have told me they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait"
1. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Be curious. Be curious. Then be more curious.
Encourage others to talk about themselves.
To me, is the holy grail of being a good conversationalist. Intuitively, we all are worried about our own lives and what we are doing. So, let's be inquisitive about what the other person is doing.
The easiest way to make conversation is to simply ask the person about themselves. If that's their adventures, their successes, their family, their favorite sporting event, or what their weekend plans are, turn the spotlight towards them.
Then, followup with questions right after that.
"Oh, you're going to Florida this weekend?! How cool. What are some of your plans?"
"Disney World?! Have you ever been?"
Eventually, in your mind, you're going to start thinking, "When can I talk?" but don't. People want to talk about themselves, so let them.
Dale Carnegie sums it up when he says:
"Very important people have told me they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait"
Whenever I am in conversation, I want to turn the spotlight on the other person. Allow them to talk, to vent, to share, allow them to open up to you as a person as you stay curious and continue to ask questions.
Let the person do the talking, and you will have a more meaningful conversation.
2. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
A person hearing their own name is one of the most sincere and underappreciated compliment you can give to someone.
How many times do you go to a social event, class, or see someone walking around, and you think, "Oh my gosh. What is their name?" and then proceed to say, "Hey, man." Call that person by their first name, and you have their heart for that conversation.
The first time that I noticed this technique work was back in the Summer of 2019 when I was managing a pool. As I walked across the pool deck, I said to a patron with a big smile on my face, "Hey Katie, how are you?" and her eyes lit up, and a beaming smile came across her face. As we the conversation was coming to an end, I gave a friendly wave and warm smile saying, "Talk later, Katie!"
That conversation resonated with me, and Dale Carnegie was right, a person's name is really the sweetest and important sound of any language.
"Remember the name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it -- and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage."
When meeting new people, and hearing their name, I will always associate the face with someone that I know closely, so it sticks.
"Your name is Jacob?"
I think to myself, "My childhood best friend's name was Jacob. Now, I can easily recall your name."
This method is an easy opener to conversation, and has an immediate impact on how the conversation will go. Once you have their name, drop it in the conversation to pay that subtle but so sweet compliment.
Final Remarks
These two techniques have been a game-changer for me and how I have conversation. Next time you go to meet a friend, grab coffee, or go on that first date, try applying these ideas and see what the impact is.
Happy to have you as a reader, and wishing you the best on your new conversational journey.
Stay Creative,
Ryan Atkinson